Tuesday Topic: Helping kids deal with being foreigners

A couple of weeks ago as my son was looking out the window of our car at a crowd of people, he asked, “Mom, are we the only people in the world who aren’t Russian?” He of course has American friends and family that he loves and knows well, but I found his statement telling about how he feels about being different from most of the people in his world. He is 4 and a half years old and already seems to struggle more with feeling different than his older sister ever has. At the same age, she thought that she was Russian and had a harder time grasping the fact that she was in fact from a different country. These two kids have been raised in the same place with much of the same circumstances, but they seem to perceive their different-ness based on their own personalities.

How do you help your kids deal with the fact that they are the from another culture? How do you speak to and help your kids who feel pain over this fact? How do you help your kids value and know their “home” culture if they don’t seem to really miss it or have a longing to know it? Do you have any other thoughts on this topic that you’d like to share?

(If you would like to pose a “Tuesday Topic” question, please email it to formissionarymoms@gmail.com . Provide your blog address if you would like to be linked to, and specify also if you would like to remain anonymous. Thanks!)

Kids In The Land Of Plenty

Did you read the Berenstain Bears books when you were a kid? I did and I remember the book “The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies” as one that we frequently enjoyed reading in our family. Now I know why my parents bought it and likely encouraged us to read it so often! Kids with a case of  the “galloping gimmies” are quite a challenge!

I think much of our current struggle is due to culture shock after just arriving in the US, but wow, going into any store with my daughter right now (3 1/2 yrs old) is pretty much a recipe for disasters. EVERYTHING seems to be marketed to children with some sort of cartoon character, free toy, or balloon attached. We have faced drama like I have never experienced before. If you are like me, when on the field you likely daydream about trips with your kids to the big American grocery store where you could get anything and everything that you could want. This new dimension of constant whining and near-tantrum melt downs is enough to make me long for the day that we get back to Russia and can shop again in stores that are a bit more tantrum-resistant!

Being that my kids are little, this is uncharted territory for me. We are trying to strike a balance of enjoying some of the advantages of being where we are, but also teaching values such as contentment and delayed gratification (we can’t ride the merry-go-round at the mall today, but we can come back and ride it another day), etc. Unfortunately it is more difficult than it sounds to try to help your toddler understand that just because there is a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Buzz Lightyear offering her a box of cookies at her own level doesn’t mean those cookies are actually for her.

Ok expert moms (and moms who along with me are enduring this for the first time), please share your advice, even if it is just to say to suck it up, hold onto what is reasonable, and endure the tantrums! It would be fun to hear from your experiences and wisdom!

Here are a few online articles that came up on Parenting.com that are related.  There were some good ideas in both articles.

I Waaaant It!

No More Whining!

Also, I am planning to go back and go through the book  “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” , as I know it talks about the whole issue of whining and goes in depth about addressing the heart issues behind such behavioral challenges. Has anyone else read this book? I think it’s great!

International travel with kids

We are heading back to the US for a few months this summer, and I am already pondering the 30+ hours of travel door to door, trying to figure out miraculous solutions for containing and entertaining my two little ones, and am praying for the best. Ah! So, I thought I’d do a post about making international travel a bit more manageable. If you have ANY other suggestions, please add them to the comments! I am always searching for new ideas and know others would be blessed by your advice! Here is what I’ve got.

-Rest for the week beforehand. My goal is to get a full night’s sleep and perhaps even a daily nap for the week before we leave. That means packing in advance and being ready early.

-Don’t stress about the schedule. This is my greatest goal for this upcoming trip. My kids are in a pretty set routine, especially with their sleep, and in the past I have made the mistake of thinking that I could encourage them to stay somewhat on a schedule (which I thought would be in their best interest). Well, I have found that that is just not going to happen with all of the excitement of travel and am going to just try to take it as it comes. The kids will sleep when they really need to, right? (Please tell me yes!)

-Break up the trip? Not all of you may feel this a wise decision since it adds to the price of the trip and you might have a greater capacity for the work of travel, but for me who is a wimp when it comes to sleep deprivation, the game plan this time around is to invest in our sanity by staying at a hotel for a night mid-way.

-A well charged portable DVD player with an extra battery and lots of fun movies. Yes, like I have mentioned, I am of the persuassion that TV in general isn’t the best use of a child’s time (not totally opposed to all TV watching though…), but if you ask me on a day when we are traveling internationally, I will be waving high the banner of the mini-DVD player. It has been a lifesaver during travel.

-Fun treats and new toys (not expensive, but just new and exciting). Regardless of age, travel is hard! It is so much more fun when you have something exciting to enjoy. I myself get excited about a new magazine when I fly.

-Spare clothes. I learned this one the hard way. Yes, someone is likely to spill their juice or get airsick, so be prepared!

-Waxed paper. If you have babies in diapers, this is a great way to make disposable changing pads for airports and planes. You could even pre-cut some toilet covers for toddlers in case there aren’t any in the bathrooms.

-Chocolates and earplugs for your neighbors on the plane. Not that the earplugs will help a ton, but the gesture breaks the tension that you will likely feel as your neighbors realize that they are stuck in kid-central for the next 10 hours.

-Pre-printed airport maps with each Starbucks clearly labled. And you think I am joking. (Yes, I have actually done this!)

-Lots of Enya. Not that Enya is my favorite artist, though I do like her for certain occassions, but I definitely think there is much to be said about the effects of music on one’s mood. Can’t get much more soothing than Enya.

-Chamomile tea. My sister-in-law heard from her son’s pediatrician that chamomile tea has a calming effect. Wonderful! She gave it to my little nephew when they came to visit, and he was an angel! Not sure if it was the tea, or just that he is such a sweet little boy in general, but I plan on trying it this time to hopefully see the same effect.

-Prayer! For sanity, easy connections, no trouble at passport control, patient and calm kiddos, a patient and calm mommy and daddy, no air-sickness, no delays or missed flights, no missed Starbucks breaks…. Lots to pray for!

Also, here is a link to a previous post called “Helpful  Items for Missionary Moms,” which has some other helpful travel items.

Make-It-Yourself: Toys Part II

I am continuing to enjoy learning about new cheap/free toys to make from stuff we have around the house, and have seen based on the number daily “clicks” on the previous post on the subject that others are also interested in the same thing. So, here is part two of “Make-It-Yourself: Toys.” Enjoy!

Bean bags- My daughter learned the song “Shake, shake, shake your beanbag” at a library story time during our last time in the US, and still enjoys it! There are all sorts of things you can do with simple home made bean bags. Songs, juggling (for older kids), aiming for a target (one of my daughter’s “pre-school” check list items for coordination), bean-bag-bowling (slide the bean bag down your hall and try to knock pins or other items over, and just simply for playing with without any structure because they feel interesting and are fun.

Pop bottle bowling pins- Fill pop bottles with a bit of water or sand or something to weigh them down, secure the tops with glue, and now you have home-made bowling pins!

Sock and bag puppets- Always entertaining. A fun craft project too.

Musical instruments- Drums out of old coffee cans or Tupperware, shakers (yogurt container filled with rice or beans or change, and with the lid glued/taped securely), tambourines out of plastic or paper plates stapled and taped together and filled with beans, rice, etc. Oh, and the paper towel roll “bugle” (my kids like trumpeting and shouting through a paper towel roll. Usually the entertainment lasts for all of  a few minutes, but it is fun nonetheless).

Classic back-yard volcano- baking soda and food coloring in a bottle, add vinegar and watch it erupt!

Magnifying glass- This isn’t something you make yourself, but that we might overlook as being a very entertaining toy. I  don’t remember where I heard this idea, but I thought it was great. I got little magnifying glass for my daughter for the equivalent of a dollar and she has enjoyed exploring things outside on the ground, around the house, her meals, etc. And of course older kids are likely to figure out how to burn stuff with them.  ( I did this as a kid and thought it was great fun and never set anything on fire that I didn’t intend to).

Also, here are a few sites that I came across that I thought were great and related:

Science-Toy-Maker: This site has all sorts of science experiments and toys and instructions on how to make them.

Make-Baby-Stuff: This site is really great! It has instructions on how to make all sorts of baby toys, clothes, decor, quilts, slings (I love baby-wearing!), bedding, etc.

Free Printable Paper Toys: This site has lots of printable templates for toys, puzzles, and books that you can make for free.

(photo courtesy of allposters.com)

Sabbath Rest with Small Children

Ever since my first child was born, I have struggled with what it means to have true Sabbath rest. Before kids, my husband and I would reserve one day a week for extra time in the word and prayer, extra time with each other, extra sleep, and rest from our work.

Then along came our daughter and suddenly I had a new job that came with 7 twenty-four hour shifts each week. It has been and continues to be a learning process to figure out how to find time to truly rest, as well as to fulfill all my responsibilities as a mother that don’t have the option of being put on hold. Here are a few ideas that we’ve come up with in our family for keeping a Sabbath day restful and truly refreshing. It would be great to hear your ideas too! In our schedule, Saturday is generally our Sabbath day, so I’ll probably refer to that.

-“My soul finds rest in God alone…” Ps. 62:1 Whether or not our days are physically restful, our souls are always able to find rest. Try to find special ways to focus on God on your own and with your family. Perhaps have a special time reading and talking about a Bible story, take time to pray for each other, take some time to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation in nature or in art, or do something that your family loves doing and thank God for the blessing of one another and for giving you things that you love doing together…

-Prepare beforehand. In old testament times, there was much preparation prior to the sabbath in order that the Sabbath day itself was protected and free from work. I know that meal prep and clean-up takes a large amount of time each day, so here are some ideas to reduce that time on your day of rest:   prepare food the day before, plan to eat left overs, have easy meals reserved that don’t take much time to prepare or clean up, freeze a meal earlier in the week to have on your day of rest, have necessary groceries on hand, etc. Another thing that I like to do is have my major house cleaning day the day before so I can enjoy a clean home  and not be tempted to spend my extra rest time doing house work.

-Don’t get sucked into unnecessary tasks. Often times I do various tasks just because they come to mind and I am afraid that I will forget about them if I don’t just get them done right then.  A way to avoid your rest time being slowly etched away is to keep a small piece of paper where you can write down these tasks as they come to mind. Then you won’t forget them and won’t have to spend your precious moments of rest on things that you can easily do later.

-Think about Sunday on Friday (or whatever days this works out to be for you). Since I usually prepare for the next day the night before, it makes sense for me to take a couple of minutes preparing for Sunday on Friday night. Make sure clothes are clean for church, set aside stuff for the diaper bag, etc.

-Use paper plates/cups. I don’t do this much since we don’t have recycling here, but on occasion it is nice to have a meal with easy clean up. As all moms know, even an extra 10-15 minutes of rest is a huge blessing!

-Have different standards for the Sabbath. For example, I like to make my bed each morning and clean up the house before nap time each day. On Saturdays I just close the door to our room and don’t worry about making the bed or straightening up. I also generally don’t take much time to tidy up the house when the kids are napping since this is the longest stretch of physical rest that I can get during the day. Sometimes this idea doesn’t work for me though, because I find that if things are too messy, it is harder for me to rest comfortably.

-Take turns getting some time away. My husband and I usually take turns getting a little bit of alone time out of the house on our day of rest. I usually just go to a nearby cafe to read for a little bit, but it feels so refreshing! With little kids who are always needing me, getting a little time out does wonders for helping me rest. I am sure the day will come when our kids are older that we can all just have a restful day at home, but with little kids, “rest” has a different meaning. We do spend much of the day enjoying just being together though.

-Spend time with people, or spend time alone. I am sure we are all familiar with whether or not we are introverts or extroverts. I am an extrovert and am very refreshed by spending time with people. I love good, deep conversations and talking about what God is doing in my life and hearing what He is doing in the lives of others on my day of rest. My husband on the other hand is an introvert, and in order for him to rest well, he prefers to spend time alone or just with our family on his day of rest. I think it is helpful to know yourself and your family with regards to this and make sure that everyone has a chance to feel rested.

In all of the extra opportunities for rest that we can create with a little bit of planning, the important part of course is keeping our focus on God and finding our rest in Him, through the word, prayer, praise, and having our hearts focused on Him. I know that no matter how physically restful a day turns out to be, my soul will not be rested apart from Him. It encourages me to know that the flip side of this is also true.  Even though there are many days , even sabbath days, that are physically and emotionally exhausting, God does provide rest for us in supernatural ways apart from our circumstances.

(art used with permission from allposters.com)

Nutritious and Delicious

There is a great book out there called: Deceptively Delicious that I can’t wait to get one of these days. It is a book all about one of my favorite tricks to healthy eating: don’t let them know that it is good for them!

One of my favorite strategies to healthy cooking is hiding nutritionally packed ingredients in the recipes that my kids love most. Here are a few standard “tricks” that i use:

–Ground nuts and seeds, wheatgerm, and especially ground flax seed have a way of making their way into lots of things. Hot cereal, cold cereal, sprinkled on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, sprinkled on other sandwiches, mixed with yogurt, grilled in quesadillias… there are many places to hide these boosts. You of course need a nut or coffee grinder for the nuts and seeds, but I assume that many places have such a appliance available. Oh, and ground nuts and seeds can go rancid, so you need to only do small batches and freeze anything that you don’t use right away. I just found flax seed for really cheap at the market here, so now I am especially excited.

–Spinach puree is also great for adding to various dishes. I add it to soups, sauces, stir fry, spreads… Here is a recipe that my sister-in-law recommended that even uses it in a delicious dessert! You can puree other veggies and use them the same way, but i usually use spinach since we can buy it pre-pureed and in cubes here. Yea for Russia!

-Pumpkin puree is also a great and mild mix-in that won’t disturb the flavor of most things. Add it to a curry sauce, mix it into a marinara, experiment with this one.  Other mild squash purees would work great too.

-Nutrition packed marinara: My kids LOVE spaghetti and I take advantage of that fact. I use lean meat (turkey or chicken are my preferred options, but we usually only have lean beef), and then mix in the usual flax seed, wheat germ, other ground seeds or nuts, purred spinach, etc. The meat and red sauce disguise pretty much everything else both in color and texture.

-Plain yogurt is my standard substitute for anything that calls for sour cream. It works great! You can also use it on sandwiches instead of using mayonnaise (we supposedly have “light” mayo here, but it only has about 1 gram less fat than the regular stuff, or something crazy like that).

-Olive oil in brownies, muffins, and other baked goods sounds gross I know, but with extra light olive oil you can’t taste a difference.

-Applesauce instead of oil? This is a classic substitute, but in my opinion it messes with the taste and texture. If it is for little ones though, chances are they will still be excited about a special treat and won’t realize that it tastes much healthier than it should.

-“Veggie” burgers: I have heard that you can add finely minced veggies (soft ones I assume) to ground meat and use it to make burgers. I think you can use about 1/3 minced veggies proportionately. I don’t make burgers (not a huge fan of touching ground meat), so I haven’t tried this.

-Tofu: I grew up vegetarian and my mom put tofu in pretty much anything that should have had meat. Marinara sauce and stir fry were the classics that I loved. Also you can scramble tofu, cottage cheese, and shredded cheese together for a great breakfast! Add some purred veggies, diced zucchini, or kale, and put it on toast to make a balanced meal. Yum!

-Smoothies: a standard trick to getting your fruits for the day. Add frozen berries, yogurt, milk, juice, purreed pumpkin, frozen bananas (cut and freeze in small pieces), frozen yogurt… No recipe needed. Just go with what you think might taste good.